Summer Insecurities (+3 Pieces I can’t Stop Wearing)

It’s no secret that I love summer. I love the longer days, the smell of sunscreen on my skin, the “Despacito” echoes in overcrowded streets and a good tan that makes the most casual outfit look like a million bucks. Most of all, I love how everything becomes suddenly possible. Crazy trips around Europe, a whirlwind heated romance, new friendships. Every year we have this universal need of chasing the next adventure as fast as possible before it goes away for another year. The thing about summer though, I love how it makes me feel, I hate how it makes me look. Every year it’s the same story, I dread the sleeveless shorter length outfits and bikinis as underwear. There is this misconception in my head that repeats over and over that my body is simply not made for summer. It is strong and persistent. Almost impossible to shake out of my system. And it shows. I look awkward, out of my element, almost frightened to peel all the layers off my skin. I probably take double amount of time to shoot decent pictures because you can read the discomfort in my eyes. Then I’d take pictures with my favorite blazer and high waisted and look like me. Somehow cool somehow crazy. I won’t lie and tell you that I stopped caring and that I’ll wear the crop tops regardless of how out of place it makes me feel. Because I won’t. I went to Zara the other day and tried one of these cute linen short dresses you see everywhere, I looked ridiculous. Like a Meringue. I sat down in the changing room. Here goes another summer feeling stressed out, defeated and angry with my body. Nothing I had tried on that day had made me feel good, nothing made me feel like myself. I felt guilty because I wasn’t able to get past it, because I was unable to think beyond these body insecurities. To smile rather than feeling like crying. I felt guilty about the number of times where I wore trends and pretended to feel myself in them. Pretended that it was my thing when it wasn’t. I felt guilty because while my main intent is to empower you to feel good in your own skin, and at that particular moment I wished for mine to be different. And it’s only now that I am realizing that it is okay, that there is no way to empower anyone through perfection. My fault was to think that I needed to fit the insta-goals squad to do so. My fault was to think that I needed to overcome my weaknesses in order to own myself and what I believe in. So prepare yourselves babe because regardless of how Meringue I can feel throughout this summer, I am going to get as imperfect as it can get. I am going to be awkward, and real, and weird, and empowering, and happy and sad, all at once. Because this is who I am. And after all, this is summer and everything is possible.