You know when you were a kid and you had these crazy dreams and ideas about what your future would look like? Mine looked a bit like having the power of being someone new everyday. I envisioned myself as a storyteller on Mondays, a boss lady on Tuesdays, a warrior on Wednesdays, a football player on Thursdays, a Fashion stylist on Fridays and the list goes on and on. It was crazy but nobody would say anything because at the end of the day, kids are insane and are allowed to dream big. Little did I know that years later, I would be a mixture of all the things I envisioned being. Except playing football, that one is still pending on my list. When you enter the adult world, the rules change. Dreaming big becomes unrealistic and unviable. Being different and believing unconditionally in creating your own reality is simply wrong. It’s wrong because dreams are supposedly correlated to a high probability of failure. And failure? We all know failure. It is the one thing we all have experienced yet we never talk about. We keep it quiet and keep up with an “everything is okay” vibe instead of being real and saying: I failed, and it sucked.
So far, I have been terrified of failure. Scared of disappointing, Scared of not making it, Scared of people saying “ I told you so”. Ever since I started university, there was this constant weight on my shoulders “what if I get kicked out of Business School?”, “What if I end up doing something I hate for the sake of money?”, “What if people are right and blogging never goes anywhere?”. It is always a balance of being afraid to disappoint my family and disappointing my own self. I think this is a common pressure twenty-somethings got through, we want to please mom and dad but we also want to be selfish. To make it, to be the exception to the rule, to stand out. Yet we are afraid of what people might think because you could either succeed amazingly or fail miserably.
But did you ever stop thinking that being afraid of failing is exactly what stops people from achieving great things in life?
Ever since I started blogging, I constantly felt quiet “what the fuck is she doing” eyes on my back. It was hard to sometimes feel like many of my close people didn’t take me seriously, that they thought that I was losing my time doing this, that it wouldn’t lead me anywhere. And sometimes it made me ashamed of it, it made me feel like I had to explain myself constantly. It’s difficult to face your people and stand out for what you love when you are not even sure that it will work out at the end of the day. You keep pushing and pushing, but there are infinitely more challenges than victories. It takes you to a place where mostly everyone doubts you, and you do too.
F*ck nobody believes in you, now what?
That’s the hidden unglamorous part of blogging, there will be so many people thinking you are doing something amazing while the other half will just call you a failure. That will probably happen with everything you do in life, people will talk and try to stop you but you know what? Keep pushing, Keep dreaming, Keep believing in yourself, Keep your eyes on the prize. Never stop the hustle because you are the only one to know what truly makes you happy. The extraordinary takes time: it is not steady, it is not common and it is certainly not easy but it is always worth it. These dreams, as crazy as they may seem, are part of who you are. They are that kid that isn’t afraid to be insane and who doesn’t give a fuck about opinions, the part of you who can go further than you could ever imagine. So why limiting yourself? Why silencing what you truly want? Starting from now, I know I won’t be sorry if people don’t believe in me. I won’t feel bad because I am not reaching their expectations, I won’t feel worthless if they suggest I am THEIR definition of failure. I will allow myself to dream big because so far, I am exactly where I envisioned myself to be.
TODAY I’M WEARING: H&M tee // VINTAGE shorts // STEVE MADDEN sandals // GUCCI bag
All pictures by Darius Boustantchi