Naked Truth: January was that one month of the year that used to scare the crap out of me. Hiding under covers became a yearly habit of mine, patiently waiting for the very frantic “new year, new me” to cool down. It is a concept that I longly wished to make mine but failed to feel after years of attempts. Social media pressure oblige, I faked enthusiasm every year about becoming a new person, as if promising to do things right would leave all my flaws behind. Silly me still knew. She knew that her hair would still be as dry as her sarcasm. She knew that a year later, she would barely remember what she promised herself for 2017. I almost feel guilty to say it out loud, as if I was the grumpy dwarf in Snow White, ruining the party for everybody who’s too high on positivity. The thing about positivity though, it’s a logarithmic curve. You will inevitably spend half of your days in a more negative space while the other half will be spent in a more positive mindset. The curve is always growing but not as fast as you would like it to. You’ll never be as positive as you promised yourself to be. It makes you wish to be exponential instead. This is what used to kill me. Slow growth, harshly perceived as unfulfilled potential. Blame it on Mom, I am a heavy promise keeper. I almost feel childish to admit that I am the kind of person that believes that you should religiously stick to your word and that automatically enters a self-loathing cycle if she fails to keep her own promises. I guess what I’m trying to say is that not being able to keep those promises always somehow made me feel like a failure instead of accomplished. Why are we so focused on starting new things instead of ending the ones that have no relevance in our lives anymore? Isn’t cutting the bad herbs easier than striving to colourfully flourish an entire garden in the space of 365 days? Can’t we just be objective instead of overly optimistic? So, this year for me? No resolutions or expectations whatsoever. No sweat. No pressure. Just a flexible headspace to let the curve pivot in whichever direction it wants to. To learn to embrace the fact that we are meant to fail sometimes and that as much as feeling positive is amazing, feeling negative is also okay. It happens the same way your favourite teacup get smashed on the floor, sometimes you can do something heroic and save it and sometimes you just got to let it break. If you do, you will walk on broken glass and learn to be more careful. Only mistakes teach us to do things right. Love them as much as you love your achievements because they are an essential part of it. Know that while exponentiality is unrealistic, being logarithmic doesn’t mean you are doing things wrong. The two curves eventually land in the same place, popularly known as infinity.
what i’m wearing today: all saints jacket, champion hat, zara boots