2016: ups & downs

I think it’s safe to say that 2016 undoubtedly ranks itself as the Tornado year: revolutionizing every possible thing on its way and providing the seeds to repair the damage caused. It has been the year of decisions, of big changes, one I am definitely grateful for. For the good, but also for the bad. Here is a taste of all the crazy things that happened, just in case you missed it.


DOWNS


    1. USELESS DRAMA: My tolerance for all fake, cat fights, and useless arguments have gone from medium to non-existent. 2016 has made me more straightforward than ever, with the need of cutting myself from anything that would lead me to emotional exhaustion. This year had a ton of that, I have seen myself involved in stories that didn’t match the person I have become. So here is the goodbye to love triangles, fuck boys, ego battles, false promises & fake friendships. Or fake anything, really.
    2. LOSING IMPORTANT ONES: As much as I didn’t want to, as much as we promised it wouldn’t be the case. Shit happens and it fucking sucks. This year has closed with the loss of who I considered my best friend and as expected the healing promises itself to be difficult. It’s hard to look at all the past moments but also at the future moments to come, it feels like I am missing an important chunk of my future. The episode made me grateful for the ones who are still standing strong but it also made me paranoid about them leaving in the future. I learnt that loss is sometimes inevitable, yet it’s not something you should hold on to and blame yourself for. No matter the circumstances, a break up is already tough enough to harm yourself even more. Losing the one friendship you promised you would never let go of is a disappointment, it made me feel so shitty & completely defeated by life. Letting go of that feeling is something I am currently embracing fully, no one should start a year feeling like they already lost the battle. Instead of pain, I will hold on to this promising future of mine with all the clues she left behind, as if she was still part of it.

    3. EXHAUSTION. This year has been full of so many different types of emotions; I have been overjoyed, happy, confident, endlessly lost, angry, frustrated, insecure and the list goes on. I have buried myself under work, sipped more Vanilla lattes than my body can handle and slept too little hours a night in order to reach all the objectives I promised myself I would reach. Going back to Barcelona a couple of times this year have been the very much needed breaks that made me stop, disconnect, and just chill for a few days. I know blogging appears to be soooo glamorous and exciting, but many people don’t realize how many hours and energy it requires. It’s about being CONSTANTLY connected because there is always a picture to edit & post, always an article to write, edit, re-write and publish. It requires you to be okay, even when you are not. To pretend it’s all Chanels and Maccarons when it’s struggle. Struggle with yourself, with how you look, with the content you create, with the way you are growing and evolving. I wouldn’t be sincere if I didn’t tell you that there was not a week I didn’t consider stopping it all. It has been hard to look like this very well put together person online and be the complete opposite in real life. Pretending to have such body confidence when in reality, you totally lack it. 2016 closes with PB turning two years old and just like a baby, I can’t believe how much it has grown. It has been exhausting, but so are all the things that are truly worth it. It can be good exhaustion, if you stop it from dragging you down and transform it into strength.

UPS


  1. Moving to Canada marked the end of so many things, but also the start of even better things. As much as I hate the term ” New year, New me”  (Seriously is there anything cheesier and more unrealistic than that?), a year of Toronto has given me the magical balance everybody always talks about. I have never felt so in peace with myself, with my direction and all the pieces that constitute the puzzle of my life. Canada was the one decision that changed everything, it changed me as a person and I paid the price for it in all aspects of my life. But that’s the one price I would pay over and over again because nothing has ever made me happier than knowing that this was the right choice.
  2. FASHION SCHOOL helped me so much in my creative venture. It helped me discover my path, what I like and what I don’t like, but also establish myself as a brand. It helped me to materialize all the concepts I have learnt during Business school and figure out what kind of blogger I wanted to be. I found myself behind the lens again by shooting our magazine’s pictures, met wonderful instructors as well as students from very different backgrounds, aspirations and talents. It’s being a ride, but every assignment has pushed my limits further than the other. I am finding my signature look in my work and sharpening it to something more professional and definitely unique.
  3. New life comes with NEW PEOPLE, that have enlightened my year in so many ways. I have laughed, I have cried, I have gone mad. Gosh, I have gone mad in so many ways, but that made me feel so alive. Starting fresh somewhere has pushed me to find my spot in all the new places that now belonged to my life: School, the gym and the little coffee shop next where I spend countless hours writing, editing and creating content for PB. I have to admit I have gone from social hoe to a bit of a loner during the past three years: I run free with plenty of thoughts running through my mind and get to be seriously rude when I get approached. That is what makes me so grateful for every single one of the people that brought a smile on my face everyday, that took care of me when I was in my low days, that made fun of me because of the disaster I get to be in real life. I am grateful for what feels like family when mine can’t be around. It showed me how beautiful things can happen so unexpectedly but also how short-lived they can  get to be. I won’t say forever anymore but embrace the magic of every moment, no matter how ephemeral it is.
  4. BEING EMOTIONALLY INDEPENDENT. Maybe sometimes even too much. Starting fresh somewhere new is not easy, it often feels lonely and gives you a much needed space for self-growth. 2016 was the year of decisions: I ditched social life to work on Persian Brunette. That’s a decision that so many don’t understand. I get often asked how can I have gone full nun and focus on a virtual life? That is something that even appears to be worrying my grandma that asked me why I wasn’t meeting the man of my life and sipping Vodka-Cramberries every friday night. Living the life, or how the happy life is perceived to be. Being emotionally independent doesn’t only mean to be good by yourself without the craving of a hot boyfriend and a glam squad, it also means choosing your own definition of a happy life putting aside how you are supposed to be living according to society standards.
  5. GROWING professionally. Writing posts that challenged me to entirely open up like this or this. Work everyday with Darius to build a brand image and create pictures that followed exactly the idea we wanted to communicate. Reaching 10 ks followers on Instagram. Attending to my first social event as Persian Brunette. Connecting with beautiful women that I now call friends like Zana, Britta, Ashley, Maria, Raysa , Michelle, Iman and Erica amongst so many amazing babes that empower me everyday. 2016 was a gem in a sense where I started creating without caring and nothing means more than sharing the journey with those of you who are witnessing. I’m glad to say that, not only I have a family that encourages me to follow that path but that I also extended ditto family in a totally new and diverse universe.
  6. MY PEOPLE, still standing strong. Let’s be honest, I get to be a real pain in the ass sometimes. There are countless reasons why I could excuse my people to tell me Hasta la Vista. But even after countless stories and the shittiest times, my true loves are surprisingly still betting on me and this year made me feel more grateful than ever to be loved by such amazing souls. Shit happens, life will inevitably push you to change, some people will fly away while others will still feel connected to you. I have been lucky to be everything but static as I feel like have impersonated so many different versions of myself in so little time. But mostly, I have been lucky to be surrounded by people that have not only embraced the change but also encouraged it. 2016 is over and I am not afraid of the change or of anything that life will bring in the future anymore because I know that my true ones will stay true, no matter what.

So this is goes to Darius for being my best friend in life and the person who always always tells me I’m beautiful when I look like the Titanic wreck, to my Mom who always likes, shares and sends all her love even when she is pissed as hell with me, to Grandma for enlightening my life with her magical english accent, to Sergi for always taking me to Zara when I’m having a bad day and making me laugh hysterically like nobody else does, to Doo for always staying up at night and being that little fireball of energy who stands strong for me no matter how retarded my decisions are, to my Catalan Brunette for our pool sessions and for being the most amazing husband ever (I’m still divorcing though), to my little cousins who inspire me with their love and kindness, to my Toronto mom that gives me way too many muffins so I can have breakfast the next day, to my spiritual guide who always spends all her time and energy making me see the bright side with prudence, to Nat for letting me be as raw as possible without letting me go, to Chris and Mik for being my two favorite musketeers in fashion school. But also to all the new ones, that have made 2016 one of the most memorable years yet. And to you. Thank you for showing me that love have no geographical or timely limit. Thank you for a magical year.

Bring it on 2017, we are ready.

Lots of love Always,

Neguine

 

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5 comments

Maria | Looking Glass January 18, 2017 at 2:12 am

Aww I’m so flattered you mentioned me!! You and your posts always inspire me. Your writing is so good and even though you have your downs, you seem like one confident bad ass bitch! Keep up the amazing work and being the amazing person that you are! Love you xx
ps. those gifs are the cutest!

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Michelle January 19, 2017 at 10:45 pm

It is beautiful to see how much you’ve grown already, in only 2 short years with PB. I am ecstatic for your ups and so saddened by these downs but I just know that every year, you will discover more and more about your lovely self to admire. You are becoming who you already are and who you are meant to be and it is a joy to witness it. Sending you so much love and pride and support, sweet girl! Love love love -Michelle

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Zana January 19, 2017 at 10:51 pm

I am beyond proud of you my beautiful sis! I am reading this post and I am crying. You have grown so much and I am so blessed to be a part of your life journey. You are stronger than ever! Keep smiling, keep shining, keep inspiring us! Love you!!! ❤❤❤

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Britta January 20, 2017 at 6:27 am

My love! Has it already been 2 years! Time flies by so fast! You and I have had our struggles in 2016- each in our different ways.
I love how honest you are and that you do not take any crap from anyone!
You motivate me in so many ways and I am proud to call you my friend!
Lots of kisses and love to you!

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Ash February 6, 2017 at 10:16 am

Neg!!!! This is what i mean babe!! you are just a ball full of goodness with so many different dimensions!! Its like a chocolate fondant, the deeper i get with you the more goodness i get like the chocolate lava that ooooses out! hahahah I know you get what I’m trying to say! hahaha I loveeee reading all your posts especially this one. It really reminds me of when i was young!! Full of love and life and the world is literally your oyster. You are living the dream girl. Seriously keep going and keep living your life the fullest!! I will always be here to watch you succeed in whatever you do and with Darius by your side, how can you not!!! Its like having a bff that is blood related. hahaha big love girl. We need to have a coffee soon!! xxx Ash (your grandma)

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