What can I say? I think I would have been unable to write this article last year because nothing has been more terrifying, crazy and life changing than this year. I can say that I have learned that the biggest change you can do to yourself starts with your mind and not by losing 10 pounds or dying your hair in blonde. Taking care of my mind was a game changer for me, it made me feel more empowered, more embraced and definitely more of a badass.
- Cut the crap. Every time I go through a situation where I feel sad or frustrated, I just think “cut the crap” and try to flip it around to a happier thought. If someone fucks me over or disappoint me, cut the crap, someone worthy will treat me right. You have to make choices, you have to be strong enough to know what is best for you and say goodbye to all those things that brings out the worst feelings out of you. It also goes with self pity thoughts like the typical ” Why does this happens to me”, “How can this be my situation, I don’t deserve it” blablabla CUT THE CRAP, you are not a victim and you have the power to make anything happen if you work enough to achieve it. This mindset will not only make you happier but also make you feel proactive in front of every single thing happening into your life and trust me, that feels good.
- Don’t waste your energy on people that don’t deserve it. I was the girl who used to care about everyone and everything until I learnt that unconditional kindness has a price. Not everybody is going to be like you, and it’s more than okay. But until you have accepted that, it will hurt like a bitch. Why isn’t people willing to give as much as I am? Is that person really going to be there when I need it? If you asked yourself that question, they are just not worth it. It might be difficult at first but it will also allow you to find people you can truly rely on. Same goes to all the shitty opinion and attitudes, don’t waste time on people that have unkind purposes towards you. Don’t even think or be bothered by it, don’t chase them, don’t try to please them to prove them wrong. They don’t deserve the energy you could be giving to people and things you truly love.
- Don’t trust the fuck boy. Ever. Before we all start to call it obvious law of life, I want to insist on the fact that we girls are fucking stubborn when it comes to men. We take it as a challenge, tend to try to convince ourselves that we know better than anybody else, that we can see over a facade better than the rest of the world. Well girls, the dude is exactly what he looks like: a fuck boy. Nothing less, nothing more. Then again, stop thinking that it’s about you or how you should be to catch him because it’s really not the case. It’s about him and his insecurities, and about not being at the same point as you are. Let’s say not even at all. Once you have accepted that, you are saving yourself the overthinking, frustration, jealousy and all the shit that goes along.
- Don’t trust the fuck girl. This one is tricky because you don’t see her coming (at least I didn’t see her coming). She is even worse than the fuck boy because she pretends to be your friend. She is great to have a good laugh with and even believe you are building genuine friendship, until she will just act selfishly when you actually really need her to be a friend and fucks you over just like one of her dudes. Thanks, no thanks.
- There is no such thing as TOO MUCH. As much as I loved Barcelona, I felt like there was very little space to individuality. There was not a moment where I felt I could be daring or make a statement of any kind. I never felt comfortable when wearing my red lip because it made me stand out and I really wasn’t comfortable with that. But NOW is the moment to do it all, now is the moment to dare, to experiment, to reinvent myself over and over again. Moving to Toronto made me realize how much I needed to change the perception I had of myself, nothing should stop me from being comfortable with a red lipstick because it represents how I feel now and the person I feel like being at the moment. Same goes to showing more cleavage, over the knee boots or more daring pieces: I choose my individuality without any limit to it anymore. We should allow ourselves to evolve and to avoid getting stuck into an image that doesn’t represent who we really are in the inside, without ever thinking than we are going too far or that anything is too much for us.
- Alone is bae. Learning to be all by myself is undoubtedly the greatest gift I have received this year. I feel like it is something so many people of my age are afraid of, maybe because we are supposed to start thinking about engagements of all kinds that lead us towards a more mature self or simply the fear of ending up alone. So much that they have no idea of how to be on their own, with their true self, with their true thoughts. Toronto has been such a challenge, it is a place where I had to grow without stable ties other than my brother, no real engagements apart from the one to myself. Focusing on what I want without constantly questioning if it is socially acceptable is refreshing and honestly liberating, that is how I learnt to not chase anything and not settle for any less than what I feel I deserve. Sometimes it isn’t the easy road, but no one said great things are easy to achieve.
- Hustle and create your own reality. Go beyond what is expected, don’t limit yourself to a 5 when you could be a 10. I honestly believe that we are the ones that set so many of our limits, with mental barriers that stop us from being our best selves. It’s time to ban all the “I cant”s floating in your mind and to work hard for what you really want.
- No one will know what is better for you than yourself. Everyone think they have the best answer to your issues, based on their personal experience. The deal is they are not you and as much as they care about you, they will never be able to know how you are feeling 100%. I always listen to my friends and family, their opinion matter a lot to me but at the end of the day, I am the one who takes the decisions because no one else can do that for me. No one can believe and fight for my future more than myself. Make sure to open up, to listen, to take advices but to realize that at every moment, the ball is in your hands.
- Stop being a bitch to yourself and be kind. Not the other way around. See, I was the girl who was always nice and empowering to others but I would be so destructive with myself I would be left strengthless. This year I decided that I should be kind to myself FIRST. I am my priority, feeling good with myself is more important than trying to make everybody else feel good. It sounds selfish and it probably is, but once you decide to prioritize your own well being, you are able to give more to others too.
- Don’t be afraid of the future. I am a chicken for so many things it is probably ridiculous yet being afraid of the future seem to be common sense. “What if I don’t make it” was a constant thought in my life. The fear of my ability to make things happen made me feel frustrated, stressed and insecure. When asked why I thought like that, I would always respond “It’s just me and the way I am, I can’t change that”. If that is also your answer, it’s Bullshit. That is hiding behind your insecurities and none of them are part of who you are supposed to be. So one last advice is to embrace yourself and stop being scared, hustle in doing what you love and finding happiness on your own. Just let if flow and the rest will come. The future isn’t something to be afraid of, it is something to look forward to.
Lots of love always,
WHAT I’M WEARING TODAY: Zara tee shirt, shorts and shoes // Tommy Hilfiger shirt // Saint Laurent bag
All pictures by Darius Boustantchi